


This Love

by UnsaidIvy



Category: Julie and The Phantoms (TV 2020)
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Based on a Taylor Swift Song, F/M, Julie Molina-centric, Light Angst, Post-Canon, Sad with a Happy Ending
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-02
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-15 08:54:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29805945
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UnsaidIvy/pseuds/UnsaidIvy
Summary: It's been a couple years since the boys crossed over and Julie has turned to music as a way to cope.But there's one song she's not sure she'll ever be able to finish."She stood there for a second like she always did before every performance. I hope you’re watching this. I hope you’re proud."OrJulie's heartbreaking journey after she loses the love of her life. Sometimes what is lost can be found, though.OrKind of a follow-up to "Julie's Melody".Inspired by a Taylor Swift song.
Relationships: Julie Molina/Luke Patterson
Comments: 22
Kudos: 40





	1. Gone and gone

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys!
> 
> Do you know when you get an idea and you simply have to do something about it? This was it for me.  
> I've been wanting to write this for so long and I finally did it. 
> 
> It's kind of a follow-up to another one of my works, "Julie's Melody", but they can still be read separately. I just made myself sad with that one and knew I needed to write something to make myself feel better about it. 
> 
> So here it is. 
> 
> This will be my first (intentional) multichapter. I just have too many ideas for this to be a one-off. 
> 
> Hope you like it!

It had been over two years since the last time Julie had stepped on that stage. It was an odd feeling. She took a moment, breathing in deeply as all the memories came rushing in like an open dam, washing over her. They flashed before her eyes like fireworks. Bright. Magnificent. Real.

She stood there for a second like she always did before every performance. Eyes closed and face turned to the sky. _I hope you’re watching this. I hope you’re proud._ Her silent prayer echoed in her mind, just as the crowd went quiet in anticipation.

The lights came on. The first chords rang through the room. The audience came alive before her. Their energy felt almost tangible. And soon enough that was all there was. She was lost in the music, and so were they.

Julie Molina was playing the Orpheum for the second time in her life.

***

The first few months had been particularly tough. Julie would often notice her father looking at her with that concerned look on his face. A look she had grown used to seeing in the year after her mom passed away.

Julie had tried her best to assure him she was okay, but the truth was she had never been good with lies. He knew she was hurting in a way he couldn’t even begin to understand.

She’d given him the official version: The boys were moving on to college. They were all going to different schools and dorm life would make it impossible for them to keep working as a band. And so Julie and the Phantoms were going their separate ways.

Being the amazing dad that he was Ray had tried to come up with all sorts of solutions. Anything that would help his daughter keep the thing that had brought so much joy back into her life. Thankfully, Flynn had been there. And when Julie stood there fighting back the tears and choking on her excuses, her best friend had stepped in to explain that in this case there wasn’t much to be done.

***

Despite his initial reluctance, Ray had eventually come to terms with that fact and tried his best to respect Julie’s decision to not speak any more of it. However, as the weeks dragged on and he watched the light drain further and further from his daughter’s eyes, he knew something had to be done. Julie was trying her best to keep the appearance of normality. She was getting up every day, going to school, keeping up with her schoolwork. She would sit at the dinner table for every family meal and answer questions about her day. She’d listen to Carlos gloat about how he’d saved the game at the very last minute and led his team to victory. She would smile and compliment Tía on her cooking whenever she’d stop by to check on them and bring them one of her homemade dishes. But he knew better. He could tell something was off.

At first, he had feared Julie would withdraw from music as she’d done before. He expected her to avoid Rose’s old studio once again. What he wasn’t expecting, though, was for the exact opposite to happen.

Julie was spending more time than ever down in the garage. She’d come home from school and head straight to the studio, locking herself away in there for hours at a time. Ray tried to give her as much space and privacy as he could, but he would often hear the piano and, on rarer occasions, he would even hear her sing softly to herself. He had taken that as a good sign at first but over time he grew worried at his daughter’s new routine.

It wasn’t until he walked into the garage late one night, only to find Julie curled up on the old pull-out, clutching a rough-looking black notebook to her chest as she sobbed quietly that he realized how bad things truly were.

***

Time went by and it didn’t seem to get any easier. It was almost ironic. They’d been gone for so long now, and yet Julie had never felt more haunted. Everything in the studio reminded her of them. Sometimes she had the feeling they would walk in at any moment. That he would walk in.  


She sat on the piano, pen in hand. The songbook that was now hers open in from of her. It had become one of her most prized possessions. There had been a time when she would put her deepest thoughts to paper and lock them away in her dream box. Not anymore, though. Now her thoughts were usually shaped in the form of music. They came to her as lyrics and so it wouldn’t have made sense to keep them anywhere else. Some of the pages of his old songbook, her songbook, were now filled with her own ideas – ideas that she hoped would eventually turn into songs.

Julie had been hesitant to get back into music at first. It was simply too painful in the beginning. But she quickly came to the realization she couldn’t afford to make the same mistake twice. After what it had taken for her to get music back into her life in the first place, it just didn’t feel right to let it slip away once again. She owed it to them. It was what they would have wanted and it was the least she could do after all they had done for her.

It still hurt, though. Sometimes the pain would be so intense, so real, it would become physical. Settling in her chest, squeezing her lungs until she was desperately struggling to breathe. And locked away in her studio, she would allow herself to feel it. That’s the only way she could keep it from tearing her apart completely.

So she would sit there and let the feelings wash over her. And when the pressure on her chest started to ease, she’d take a deep breath and pick up the songbook and pour her heart and soul into it.

_Currents swept you out again,  
And you were just gone and gone, gone and gone. _

The words came to her all of a sudden. Echoing loudly through her mind. She rushed to write them down before they slipped away.

***

It took Julie a few months, but eventually she was able to show Flynn a few of the songs she’d written.

The two had sat together on the piano bench, Flynn’s hand laying encouragingly on Julie’s shoulder as she let her fingers slide across the keys. Even if it was just Flynn, it still felt like a huge step. Julie was once again playing her own songs in front of someone else. Letting them in and embracing the vulnerability that came with it.

Julie had tried to steer clear of the ones that were simply too personal and too painful to play even to her best friend, but by the time the music stopped both girls had tears streaming down their faces.

Julie remained in the studio long after Flynn left, flipping through the pages of the songbook. Her heart clenched a bit as she ran her fingers over the spot where a page had been carefully ripped out. A few pages later she came across the words to “Stand Tall”.

Before she knew what she was doing her fingers were back on the keys, slowly playing the familiar melody.

“I’m trying. I promise.” The words escaped her lips like a whisper, as her fingers stilled over the piano.

Closing her eyes Julie breathed in deeply as a brand new set of memories took over her mind. They were filled with lights, music and the sound of a cheering crowd. They also brought back feelings of fear, hope and relief in quick succession. The anticipation and the unmeasurable joy that followed. All those complex emotions that had mixed together in one last, glorious moment before it all came crashing down.

_Lantern, burning,  
Flickered in my mind, only you.  
But you were still gone, gone, gone.  
_

__

__

The song had been coming to her in snippets for a while now. Julie had lost count of how many times she’d tried to force herself to finish it, but she just couldn’t. She had sat in front of the open songbook and had tried to force the lyrics to come to her, but it had been useless. At some point, she’d simply given up and accepted the fact that that particular song would never be finished. But just when she had made peace with that, it would come to her.

Another piece of the puzzle.


	2. Losing Grip

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Julie is turning 17 - the same age _they_ had been when they...  
> Some days are harder than others, but that's what family and friends are for. Right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, 
> 
> First of all, thank you so much for your lovely comments and for the amazing feedback.  
> This has become sort of my newest passion project and so it means a lot to me to know you're enjoying it. 
> 
> Here's Chapter 2.  
> Hope you like it!

Turning 17 was a bittersweet experience.

The morning of Julie’s birthday, Flynn had shown up to her house trying to get her in the mood for a celebration. Flynn’s own birthday was still months away so for the time being she would have to settle for being excited over someone else’s. At least that’s what she told Julie.

However, looking at Flynn was like looking at her own reflected image. Julie knew the moment she saw best friend there was something else there. She was being cautious, hiding behind the cheery façade and trying to mask her concern.

One look in the mirror was enough for Julie to know the reason for Flynn’s worry. She’d definitely seen better days. The girl in the mirror was staring back at her through tired eyes, lined with dark shadows that were the tell-tale sign of a restless night.

***

She’d had nightmares before. Much like in the weeks and months after her mom passed away, she was frequently haunted by the creations of her own unconscious mind. Some of them still involved her mother. Sometimes Julie would find herself standing on a cliffside, trying to hold on to her mother’s hand as she desperately begged her not to let her slip. Other times her dreams would take her to a familiar-looking hospital room where her mother lay unconscious. But those tended to occur less and less as time went by, replaced by new, unsettling scenarios, though the outcome was usually the same - she would wake up in the middle of the night, her heart racing and her face drenched in tears and sweat.

On a couple occasions, the sound of her strangled screams had echoed through the quiet room causing her father to come bursting through the bedroom door. Back then he had insisted that maybe it was time for her to go back to talking to someone, an idea Julie vehemently rejected. And much to both her and her father’s relief, that hadn’t happened in a while.

Last night had been different, however. The dream had started the same way her dreams often did. She was standing in her mother’s studio. Only it didn’t look like her studio.

Everything looked like it had been tinted a dark greyish shade. The floor was covered in leaves that swirled around as a cold wind blew in through the wide-open doors. The pots and vases that previously held her mom’s beloved plants lay empty, its occupants having long withered and died.

The instruments were still there. The grand piano, leaning at an odd angle on its broken legs, as if it had collapsed under its own weight. The drumset looking like a mangled piece of scrap metal after being crushed by a large wooden beam that had fallen from the ceiling. The bass, propped against a chair, with all its strings torn out. A white guitar carelessly abandoned on the black couch, its neck broken in two. Dream Julie reached for it, as if she were hoping to restore it to its former, unbroken state, but it vanished before she could touch it.

She stumbled back against the coffee table.

_Julie._

She heard her name being called and instantly recognized the voice calling out to her. She ran outside, trying to follow the familiar sound.

_Julie._

Julie heard him call out again. She burst through the garage doors as the scene suddenly shifted around her and she immediately recognized it. She was now standing over a cliff. The wind violently whipping her hair around her face, blocking her vision.

_Julie!_

The voice grew urgent. Struggling to keep her balance, she approached the edge of the cliff and looked down at the waves that crashed hundreds of feet below. That’s when she saw him.

Not her mother. _Him._

He was struggling to maintain his hold on the rock surface, his grip visibly slipping by the second. Julie reached out to him, desperately trying to pull him back up over the edge.

“I can’t! I can’t do it!” She heard herself say.

He didn’t reply. He suddenly stopped struggling, focusing his gaze on her face.

“Please.” she begged, her voice strained as tears ran down her face.

He stared at her for a second, his features twisted in a pained expression. Julie tried once again to pull him up, to no avail. A sorrowful smile spread across his face.

And then his hand slipped and he was falling, crashing towards the waves below.

***

Julie lay in bed for what seemed like a long time, staring up at the ceiling as she tried to control her breathing.

Once she’d finally managed to calm herself down, one glance at the clock on her bedside table let her know it would still be a while before the sun came up. And so she did the one she could do at that moment. She grabbed her songbook from its place by her bed and headed downstairs, moving as silently as she could as not to wake up her family.

When she reached the studio Julie hesitated for a second, the irrational fear that her vision from earlier would somehow turn into reality before her eyes creeping into her mind. Breathing in deeply, she forced herself to open the door and stepped inside, sighting in relief upon realizing everything looked exactly as it should.

Julie walked straight towards the couch, sitting cross-legged with the songbook on her lap and both hands covering her face. It’d been a long time since she’d come to terms with the fact that this particular wound would never fully heal. But she still had hoped it would get easier with time, less painful. Instead, she could constantly feel herself slipping.

Reaching for the pen on the coffee table, she opened the songbook and quickly scribbled the words on her mind.

_Been losing grip,  
on sinking ships. _

Julie didn’t remember falling asleep, but she woke up as the sun started pouring in through the garage windows. She didn’t know what time it was but she could tell it was still early enough for her to hope she could sneak back up to the house before anyone noticed she was gone.

She headed upstairs, closing the bedroom door as quietly as she could manage. There was no chance of her being able to fall asleep again so instead she just lay in bed staring at the songbook on the pillow beside her, letting her hand rest over the plain black cover.

***

Flynn was going out of her way to make sure Julie’s birthday was special. Once she was done digging through Julie’s closet to pick the perfect outfit for the day, she sat on the end of the bed and proceeded to list all the things she had planned for them to do. Julie tried her best to appear as excited as her friend was as she changed into the clothes Flynn had picked.

They came downstairs to find Ray in front of the stove, humming some cheerful tune as he prepared what she immediately recognized as the traditional Molina birthday breakfast buffet. Her dad wasn’t the best cook, and breakfast really was his specialty so for as long as she could remember birthday breakfasts had always been a big deal.

Carlos was standing by the counter, eagerly eyeing the growing pile of pancakes.

They both turned towards her as soon as she walked in.

“Happy birthday!” They said at the exact same time.

Her dad made his way around the kitchen island and wrapped his arms around Julie.

“17, uh? Time sure flies. It seems like only yesterday you were this tiny little thing and look at you now, all grown up.” Julie couldn’t see his face, but she didn’t miss the way his voice trembled slightly. She hugged him just a little bit tighter.

“Yeah, Julie. That’s his way of saying you’re old.” Carlos observed. Julie scowled at him over her dad’s shoulder with feigned annoyance.

“I’ll make sure to remember that next time you ask me for a ride anywhere.” Julie casually announced as she pulled away from her dad’s embrace.

Carlos held his hands up in surrender, exposing a piece of bacon he’d just stolen from the plate on the counter.

“Hey, don’t shoot the translator.” Ray chuckled, walking back towards the counter to get the plate of bacon away from his youngest child.

“So, girls, what are your plans for the day?” He asked over his shoulder as he carefully tried to balance several plates and a jug of orange juice and made his way towards the dining room table.

“Sorry, Mr. M., that’s classified information.” Flynn replied, grabbing Julie’s hand as she followed Ray out of the kitchen.

“I see. Well, you know the rules. No drinking, no smoking and no speeding.”

“Copy that. Don’t worry. I’m driving.” She shot a quick glance at Julie and quickly raised one finger in front of her face, letting her know there wouldn’t be room for discussion.

It would have been useless anyway and Julie knew it. There was no stopping Flynn once she’d set her mind to something.

She would go along with whatever Flynn had planned, allowing her best friend to take the lead as she secretly hoped that would be enough to keep her mind from dwelling too much on the significance of that particular day.

She was 17 now.

**Author's Note:**

> So, I hope you enjoyed that!
> 
> If you did, please, please, please let me know. I'm literally always struggling with my motivation to write, so if I see people are enjoying this one, it'll be easier for me to stick with it. 
> 
> Thanks so much for reading!


End file.
